Introspection continued..

Its been 12 years since I wrote my last blog. Why am I writing now? because ' you were in my path' today. Because of that, those words made me introspect.

My day was a normal routine day. Got up early, good start to the day because my child finally slept well last night( been under the weather), thanked the lord for it, got my child ready for daycare and get to work  in my home office. By 11am, I got some break and decided to check on some personal to do list. First thing there : check with my friend how he is doing?. My friend has been going through some financial trouble in his life for past 4-5 months, his father needed some money to get over some unfortunate turn of events in their life. It has been affecting his health which sadly he was hiding it from his own son. Since my friend exhausted all his resources through credit card, 401K, personal load etc, he fortunately decided to reach out to me to ask to fill in for a while. Me and my wife of course obliged and sent away some support in form of whatever the amount he asked for over last 4-5 months.  

I checked on him today ( since he has been disturbed this week) and bingo, he gave me some good news that things have taken a good turn and very soon he will be able to get rid of lot of his debt and eventually of course  return our money. He also stressed that now his dad is doing great healthwise (which is what I wanted to know). During our text chat, he wrote : " I told my dad to not worry, I have great friends here who are as good as God to me". The text simply stunned me.  What!!! Noo. How can he say that? Which what made me introspect and made me dive deep into spider web of my thoughts and try to make sense of it.

I am very emotional personal, very spiritual. I believe in my Guru, my god who was given me these teachings about way of my life. I do go away from that path sometimes but never too far. His blessings make me come back to his principles, teachings, values. Why would someone put me into Gods role? What did I do to make him feel that? I just gave few percentage of my family's savings to him, to work for some time and I am expecting it back( at some point). Its not like I gave away 50 or 70% of our savings to him and never expected it back, that would have been something worth nothing or something worth applause. This was least amount of effort I can carry forward, for thousand of souls who helped me selflessly so far.  They gave me never expecting it back, never showed me they are doing something extra ordinary. That was a noble deal, worth much much more than a selfish deed I did to my friend. Was it selfish? 

For me yes. In todays world, everyone around has everything. They have roadside assistance if their car broke down, they have gps to show the way, they have hospitals or 911 to call if they need hospital, they have home delivery of grocery if they need food, they have home delivery of food, they have governments paying them if they need money. Nobody needs helps, at least people around me.

But Me, I have grown up always trying to help others. It made me feel special that 1. I am walking my Guru's principles to help others 2. I have so much inferiority complex that this was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. In my growing up days ( before smartphones to be honest) I enjoyed helping people move, dropping them somewhere, helping with groceries etc etc. It just made me happy. Now I realize that in about last 6-7 years, I have never really helped anyone. All I was doing was helping myself through whatever challenges life was throwing at me. May be subconsciously, I was under this burden of millions of people who helped me but could I continue paying forward it.

My friend, you gave me that opportunity that I could genuinely help someone in a need, that whatever resources my family had, were able to give an iota of comfort to someone in a dire need. The satisfaction is immense.

So to summarize, does that put me up as a God? what do I think about it?? Nooo, of course I don't think it that way.  I carried to it forward, my guru's blessing made me do it. It was for my selfish reason to be happy doing it, its because --> And then I remembered a line I saw on YouTube. Person A helps Person B. Person B asks : ' why did you help me today???' Person A says : 'Because, you were in my path today' :)